What if one split second sent your life in two completely different directions? -Tagline for the movie Sliding Doors

Last night I watched this Gwenyth Paltrow movie called Sliding Doors. Since I loathe Ms. Paltrow and try to avoid at all costs watching any film she is in, I had never seen this one before. Now it’s not that I’m turning over a new leaf and giving her movies a chance, it was that the batteries in the remote died and I was too tired to look for replacements. Well, I must say, and yes, it hurts to admit this, but I am happy I actually gave this flick a chance. Not because dear ol’ Gwen put on a magnificent show, please, let’s not get crazy, but because the concept of the film was brilliant. The movie starts out with Gwenie being fired from her PR job.

Sometimes It’s a Bitch

I’ve reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I’ve laid down with love and I woke up with lies
What’s it all worth only the heart can measure
It’s not what’s in the mirror but what’s left inside

Sometimes it’s a bitch sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes love’s blind and sometimes it sees
Sometimes it’s roses and, sometimes it’s weeds
Sometimes it’s a bitch sometimes it’s a breeze

You gotta take it as it comes
Sometimes it don’t come easy

I’ve run through rainbows and castles of candy
And I’ve cried a river of tears from the pain
I tried to dance with what life had to hand me
And if I could I’d do it all over again

Sometimes it’s a bitch sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes love’s blind and sometimes it sees
Sometimes it’s roses and, sometimes it’s weeds
Sometimes it’s a bitch sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes the picture just ain’t what it seems
You get what you want but it’s not what you need
Sometimes it’s a bitch sometimes it’s a breeze
Well it’s a breeze…. It’s a breeze….
-Stevie Nicks (Lyrics by Bon Jovi)

Mistake overturned so I call it a lesson learned…

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.” -Vernon Saunders Law

And so it begins my friends, the last stretch of my MBA. Yee. Haw. I was discussing things with my advisor this morning, future plans, past accomplishments, bumps in the road, etc. etc., when he posed an interesting question to me:

“What have you learned in the past two years?”

I sat up straight and tried to impress him with my retention of knowledge I believed to be important- things like product portfolio analysis, retrenchment strategies, advertising fundamentals… all that good stuff. As I went on he cut me off and asked the question again:
“What have you learned in the past two years?”
I paused. What he was asking of me seemed simple enough, but for some reason I wasn’t giving him the answer he wanted. I could tell he was a bit disappointed that I did not respond as quickly the second time around, so he sat back and started to explain.
“If it were up to me” he started, “you wouldn’t be able to receive your masters without submitting a final paper on the things you learned about yourself during your time in school. An advanced degree is twice the work of undergrad, maybe even three times as much since you work full time as well. The personal discoveries you make are just as important as your academic ones. Make yourself a list, put some things down on paper, you’ll be glad you did.”

Ok so here’s what I’ve discovered. None of the worthwhile lessons I’ve learned came from the pages in a book. Everything that has helped me to grow I learned from the best teacher of all: experience.

I’ve merged my list with a check list for life that was sent to me a few years ago:
1a. Family is the only thing in life that truly matters. This is not a concept that is new to me, but only something that the birth of my nephew amplified. With the addition of the little guy, our family has a different pep to it now, something that is very exciting.
1b. Family is not defined as people who share your gene pool, but who might as well, because they are just as important. However, what is most important to remember is that you should not give the privilege of treating someone like family just because you care about them. There are plenty of people who take you as their option after you make them your priority. Those people are not your family. Realize that many people are enjoyable and bring lots to your life, but they will come and go. Very few people will be the same in really bad and really good times.
2. Give people more than they expect and do it with a smile. You never know when the little extra that you do for someone will save them from the worst day of their lives or keep them from turning their back on the world.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. Finding balance in all things, even the things that are good, is necessary.
4. When you say, “I love you ,” mean it with every inch of your body and soul. Enough said.
5. Look people in the eye when you say that you’re sorry. Everyone is wrong sometimes. Even me. (Gasp.)
6. Believe in love at first sight. If you don’t believe it, you’ll never see it when it’s right in front of you.
7. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much. You wouldn’t want someone to laugh at yours.
8. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely. Believe this one, even if you’ve never been in love.
9. Don’t judge people by their relatives. Everyone has at least one crazy family member. If you’re thinking about your family and not thinking there are any crazy ones, well then it’s you.
10. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?” I am not an advocate of rude behavior, but sometimes people leave you not choice.
11. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. No great success in this world (relationship or business wise) ever happened without a huge leap of faith.
12. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson! There’s always a lesson when you lose, and you know what, if you’re too busy being angry or discouraged, you will miss the reason it happened.
13. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. Enough said.
14. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. The longer you let mistakes drag on, the bigger the mess is to clean up later.
15. Spend some time alone. This is by far one of the most important on the list. You don’t need to constantly be connected (whether it’s by computer or cell phone or out) You’ll learn the most about yourself in the time that you take to be quiet and listen to yourself.

This is not a complete list, I figure I can add on as I finish, but it’s a good start. Maybe now that I’ve compiled this list I can look back on some things and understand them better. I guess this is what learning is really all about. Thinking more about it, this is the best education I could have ever gotten for myself.

Breathe

Well it’s all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what’s real

And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I’ve been waiting till I see it in your eyes

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I’ll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You’ll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Breathe……
-Michelle Branch

Get back to where you once belonged…

“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved…leave it any way except a slow way. Leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back, and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance. The cloud clears as you enter it. I have learned this but, like everyone, I learned it late.”
-Beryl Markham  West With the Night                     

 

For the past year (give or take a few months of trips home) I have been living in Orlando. I returned in December 2006 after having lived there for 8 months in 2002 while I interned at Disney. Although I had one hell of a great time this past year, the exact reason why I wanted (or seemed to need) to return was something I couldn’t explain. I’ve known since the moment I stepped my foot back into NJ after my internship ended that there was going to be a point which I would return to Florida. Unfortunately for me, nothing that I did helped me figure out that nagging question of why I felt that way, so I figured if I jumped right in and did it, the answer would come to me. How ironic that it was only when I was packing to leave that everything finally became clear.

Orlando is a wonderful city. There’s a lot to do, people are friendly, and 75% of the time, the weather is awesome. I have a lot of great memories from my college program and I have even more amazing memories as a child on family vacations. When I think back on all of those experiences, I cannot help but smile. But as I packed up and got ready to come back, I started to feel bad that I was leaving again. I almost didn’t understand it myself, until I realized why. As ridiculous as it may sound, what it’s been all along, all of these years that I wanted to get back, was because I was missing my memories that the place brings up for me.

That explains why when I was actually living there- although I was enjoying it- it felt like something major was missing. Sure I have wonderful friends who live there- friends who are so close that it no longer feels as if we aren’t related. I truly love them all. However, despite that- for some reason I was never able to make my lifestyle mesh with any of theirs. I have a routine of things that I love to do with the people in my life, things we’ve always done, like Sunday brunches, movie nights, happy hours, quick emails in the middle of the day during work, monthly ‘catch up dinners’ etc. In a way I took this for granted because I considered this universal stuff that was done everywhere because everyone in my life up north does it. To my surprise, I was wrong. Things in the south are much different. Everything is done on such a casual –maybe, wait and see, oh we can do it later or next weekend basis- that it makes you feel as though no one cares about seeing you or doing anything ever. I know the tendency is to think that everyone up in the northeast is caught up in a rat race with no time for anyone else but their bank account, but that conception is wrong. We may be busy up here, but we’re great multitaskers. Work, ambition, family, relationships and friendship are all things we can handle at the same time. Why? We want the complete life up here. Does it always happen with every single person? No, but we want to be the best at everything, so we try. Now believe me when I say that I didn’t take these revelations personally; it’s another life lesson that I’ve learned, one that I can make into a broader observation which makes a lot more sense: People are never going to be what you wish for them to be, they are only going to be what they already are. Does that suck? Yes, it does, but, as the saying goes, take it or leave it. I obviously chose the latter.

Does that mean that I don’t love Orlando? No, I love it. I will go back frequently and visit because it is a great place. Does that mean that I don’t love living in Florida? Surprisingly, no. Does that mean that I care any less for the ones I love who live there? Of course not. It does mean that I don’t belong there, at least for now. Maybe someday after I’ve achieved my career goals, settled down, and am looking for a relaxing life, I’ll be back. In the meantime, I’m going to plan for Sunday brunch, send a quick email to a few of my favs, break out the movies, hug my dog and put on a heavy coat before I go out for happy hour… one thing that’s not so great about up here, is that the weather is absolutely awful.